I’ve been struggling with my motivation for some time. I keep getting unwell and I admit that it is really peeing me off. I’m shattered and I am fed up of not having the energy to do anything. Just when I think I am getting back on track, I end up in hospital again. I then have to rely on other people to carry out tasks that they didn’t really sign up for and I have having to ask as I consider myself pretty independent.
The allotment is chucking out produce and I am bringing home trug fulls every day. I am spending my time picking and not maintaining. Pickling and chutney making to preserve my summer flavours and making sure nothing goes to waste. It’s strangely overwhelming as I feel a little out of control.
Then I remembered why I planted so much in the first place and my enthusiasm at the beginning of the year to provide at least something for my family when I couldn’t bring in money. We’ve turned back to food banks and free food parcels when in need but we have been eating extremely cheaply with all the fresh produce coming in thick and fast.
I’ve had successes and I have had failures – that comes with every gardener (or so I hope). The chickpeas were a fun experiment but a complete waste of space and time. Not even enough to make a tin but they’ll be used lovingly in a curry sometime soon.
My tomatoes are fabulous and doing well in the new bed that me and my friend dug out at the beginning of the year. Runner beans are producing about a kg a day, beetroot is poking out of the ground and teasing to be picked.
I don’t want to feel like I am moaning all the time as there are great things at my allotment that I have worked hard for.
I obtained a greenhouse for free from my friend and I just cannot get it up on my own. I don’t have the skills at all to even think about putting it together. So I think that is really stressing me out. As the ground I have cleared for it is just surrounded in weeds and I look at it with despair. There are just certain things that are beyond my abilities and I think I may have overstretched myself.
Although, there are periods of downtime at the allotment. I just feel like I am way far behind. I still haven’t even dug over my beds where the potatoes have been and neither have I completed the chicken coop I was so kindly given. It’s not that I am ungrateful – just swamped. I’m finding that because I have so much unfinished, I am left confused and just…meh.
So my plans at the moment are to just keep on top of what I can. Do what I can. I don’t know how that will help but I’ll never give this up. It’s just a feeling that I need to get over and concentrate on building my strength.
Any suggestions on what to plant now would be welcome too – so I can get stuck into doing just something…